Reason as the Leading Motive

Bating On the Way to Heaven

Posted by Jerry on November 28, 2007

Ha! This is for real. The following question appeared in this morning’s sex column of Mumbai Mirror–an English-language regional daily. I can’t decide which is more funny–the 20-year-old man who just discovered some new activity and his intended pathway to heaven, or the sex columnist’s response!

I’m a 20 year old man. I learnt “master bating” from my friends and now I cannot stay without it. I don’t have any bad habits like smoking and drinking. I have also lost weight because of this habit. I know many prostitutes who can show me the path to heaven but I don’t have the guts to deal with them. Please help.

Respose: You are not playing cricket; it is “masturbation” that you are doing. There is nothing to worry about. You will learn better control and masturbate only when you have something to excite you. No harm will come to you. Prostitutes or any unknown female will not send you to heaven — there are more chances of going to hell. Lead a healthy lifestyle.

[P.S. In the sport of cricket, a team bats while the other bowls–much like in baseball. Hence, the term “batting”, and a misspelled version of it: “bating.”]

7 Responses to “Bating On the Way to Heaven”

  1. nursemyra said

    oh my… I wish we got the Mumbai Mirror in Australia

  2. rambodoc said

    There is, as I have remarked before, another species similar to the master batter: the master-baiter.
    This one chimes in blogs with highly provocative comments and inspires dozens of angry responses.

  3. Ergo said

    Ya know what I find so strangely funny? This: “there are more chances of going to hell.” I’m not even sure if the columnist is serious with that infusion of moral consequences, or just being sardonic.

  4. Charl said

    LOL! Yes, I used to read this column ocassionally for a laugh.

    PS: I’m willing to bet ..er..next month’s pay packet that “the columnist is serious with that infusion of moral consequences.”

  5. Akhil said

    “I know many prostitutes who can show me the path to heaven”
    I think the columnist is being sardonic when he says that”there are more chances of going to hell.”
    He’s probably referring to the risks (STD’s) associated with having sexual contact with prostitutes or unknown females.

    Charlotte, i’ll take that bet!

  6. Ergo said

    I was leaning towards Akhil’s assessment as well. I’m just hoping people are not *so* dumb!

  7. Charl said

    Well I do tend to be a bit of a cynic…But you never know, the way most people are over here, I just might be right.

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