Reason as the Leading Motive

Catholic Church Evicts Newborn Infants

Posted by Jerry on April 22, 2007

Pope Benedict XVI has just decided to forcefully evict newborn babies from their centuries-old abode–the limbo–and transfer them directly to heaven.

This was foreshadowed by the previous pope’s troubled conscience that wondered if it was right to condemn innocent cherubs to an unending ETERNITY of meandering in a limbo, with absolutely no possibility of having a union of God. Indeed, this blog made a note of this issue in December 2005 when the previous pope raised this matter for his Church to consider.

Now, reaching a decision that serves as a massive public relations coup for the Catholic Church and for God, the current pope has decided to shut the gates of limbo forever and fling open the gates of heaven for little tiny tots–and parents around the world are delighted by this news. For over thousands of years, virtually every reigning pope–who allegedly holds the keys to the other side–refused babies entry into heaven.

According to Catholic doctrine, even God has no power (or enough mercy) to permit babies into heaven because these innocent little cherubs were in fact TAINTED WITH ORIGINAL SIN!! Clearly, the pope could not allow such sin-stained creatures to get near the perfectly pure brilliance and radiance of God!

But all that is history now. With this new ruling, the pope has effectively granted permission for ORIGINAL SIN to enter heaven in the form of these deceptively innocent-looking babies. You can be sure that the souls of all deceased babies are currently being transported from limbo to heaven on the backs of androgynous angels with huge wings. This is certainly a momentous event in the eternal history of God’s existence.

[HT: John Enright]

5 Responses to “Catholic Church Evicts Newborn Infants”

  1. John Enright said

    “deceptively innocent-looking”

    That’s great.

  2. Sinus said

    ohhhh the sarcasm….hear the sarcasm!!!
    gerald, you’ve outdone yourself!!!

  3. Charlotte said

    “currently being transported from limbo to heaven on the backs of androgynous angels with huge wings”


    who in dog’s name is the pope kidding.

  4. Ergo said

    heehehe! Isn’t this whole limbo business beyond ABSURD!!?? I mean, seriously; just look at what a laughing stock the Church has become!

  5. satyajit said

    whoa! i never knew roman catholic theology had so much to offer 😛

    i remember watching a “sidey” flick Love in Limbo long long back..now, i’m armed with a whole new perspective..

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