Leitmotif

Reason as the Leading Motive

An Epitaph for Memories of You

Posted by Jerry on May 18, 2006

I am scared to think of you.
You have become… a memory

Like so many other things bygone –
A mere thought.

And that thought scares me.

I am alarmed at the fact that you are
Only an ephemeral firing of some neuron
That bears your name in my mind.

Your images
Flicker rapidly,
Moving too quickly for me to grasp
Memories of you jostle against each other
Blurring the chronology of events
Smudging the precision of your face

I am petrified by the sight of your
Ghostly image projected on the walls of my consciousness

I cannot have you haunting my soul
I cannot have you addicting my mind

And yet, you are there… somewhere…
Inside the dark murkiness of my head
I wish I could gather your body into the fold of my arms
I wish I could admire the mirthful gaze of your eyes
I don’t want you in my thoughts
I want you in the body

I do not wish to forget you
But I do not wish to make you a memory to think of

How grotesque it is
For a being full of life and vigor and animation
For a being that exemplifies “laughter let loose in the Universe”*
To be twisted, chained and locked in the chambers of my brain,
To be tangled among a sad mess of dendrites.

Will my body ever shudder under your touch again?
Or will memories like translucent dew
Be all that I will have left
Of you?

=============================================

*Ayn Rand used those words to describe the paintings of her husband.

12 Responses to “An Epitaph for Memories of You”

  1. innommable said

    That is so beautiful and filled with emotion!

  2. Lovely. And nice use of a Rand quote.

  3. Ergo Sum said

    Thank you. The idea for the poem came to me on a sleepless night when my mind was racing with thoughts and memories. And i suddenly realized, “Oh my god! I have only memories of you left!” And that thought scared me. Hence, the poem.

  4. Beautiful… simply beautiful…

  5. devdas said

    “When we lose one we love, our bitterest tears are called forth by the memory of hours when we loved not enough.”

  6. […] Even the bitter solace of seeking those places in heavy solitude is robbed from me. Even that moonlight is denied me–by the planetarium where we had sat late into the night. All I have are thoughts–memories–ghosts. I do not even have the physical reminders of a love once cherished–not the sunset under which we buried our tired spirits after a long day’s work, nor the sunrise that we so eagerly awaited after an all-night out; not the expansive view out the third-floor balcony on which we stood silently in each other’s arms, nor the flitting images outside our car window as we went on our many roadtrips. […]

  7. Avantica said

    Loved it… Between you and me, I know…

  8. erumelmo said

    Could relate to the poem, Ergo, it speaks of universal emotion. That is one of the hallmarks of a good writer! Kudos!

  9. nish said

    The way u have captured unexpressed emotions in this poem. Sometimes u just sit back and remember the one u could never be able a feel or see, and recall all the rare moments spent together. U wished; u could to it again and penetrate yourself within. That moment could have last longer.

  10. nish said

    I am impressed! The way u have captured unexpressed emotions in this poem. Sometimes u just sit back and remember the one u could never be able a feel or see, and recall all the rare moments spent together. U wished; u could to it again and penetrate yourself within. That moment could have last longer.

  11. nish said

    I am impressed! The way u have captured unexpressed emotions in this poem. Sometimes u just sit back and remember the one u could never be able a feel or see, and recall all the rare moments spent together. U wished; u could to it again and penetrate yourself within. That moment could have last longer.

  12. Gazal said

    “I am alarmed at the fact that you are
    Only an ephemeral firing of some neuron
    That bears your name in my mind.”

    What a beautiful thought! Extremely intelligent, but even more beautiful. Love this poem.

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