Reason as the Leading Motive

2006: A New Year

Posted by Jerry on January 1, 2006

I'm here at a "party"… that for all purposes is dead right now. I'm alone, at someone's home… and the new year has begun. It's been aboout an hour and a half since the new year began. It's funny, the thing I noticed at this "party" of sorts… about people… I observed plenty of obligatory "I care for your well-beings".. I noticed tons of "I'm drunk, I don't care what you think of me… of the way I act"…. I love the music playing in the background… it's soft jazz.. the words say "could make me feel true… thinking of you…."

Anyway, I want to focus on what a wonderful day I had. I woke up this morning dreaming of Agatha Christie… not sure why…. or what about her was I dreaming…. but I know I dreamed of her. ( I don't even know how she looks like!)
THen, I had this urge to drink for a second time, the last few climactic pages of "We The Living". I did that. Then I cried… very peacefully… for a minute or so. Cried at the beauty of the story.. of the amazing strength and sadness of the story. Cried because that is how I would describe love…. true love… love as pure and fierce as white heat… like that described in the book. I cried joyfully. It was amazing to be engulfed for a few moments in the world of this story… the sad story of a life that could live grandly, but didn't.

Then, I was remined of my life in India. Of the kind of life I hated. I don't think people here understand what it means to live in the freeness of freedom that they live in. They cannot possibly deserve that which they don't even realize they have. I thought about how life was back there… how my dad stood in lines for 3 hours to get his ration card stamped for a small sack of rice that he got from the co-op store. I thought of the way people walked around, with a suspicious eye for everyone… holding tightly onto their belongings… their possessions… their property… while organizations like the Church and government demanded their charity.

I thought of the grocery stores… of how we always had to stand behind the counter, and ask the store clerk to get the items we wanted. We had to point out to the things we wanted to buy… they would not trust their customers to walk into the stores and pick their own goods… no… everyone was a criminal… until proven innocent… which never really happened.

Here in America, it was so amazing to be surrounded by aisles and aisles of stuff… things I could touch… play with…. look at… think about… before I bought it. I walk down Michigan Ave… or really, any other street in this city… and I am confounded by the glass stores…. the window displays… the shops that so blatantly, proudly, display their wares on the store front! It's shocking to me… because in India these glass stores would not last one night without being broken in…. without some rogue brute throwing a stone through the (my funny valentine plays in the background… it moves my soul this very moment…)………. glass store.. breaking it. Why would you not break into a store of glass that simply invites you to??? That's what an Indian would think!?

ANyway… gotta go. I miss everything that I am forbidden to have. Don't change a hair for me… not if you care for me….. plays on.


4 Responses to “2006: A New Year”

  1. Gazoo said

    This is a very lovely post Ergo, Happy New Year!

  2. Gazoo said


    As I read this post the first time I was reminded of one of my favorite quotes and I thought you would appreciate it.

    “You who have been born in America, I wish I could make you understand what it is like not to be an American – not to have been an American all your life – and then suddenly… to be one, for that moment, and forever after. Think of it. One moment you are a citizen of Armenia, a brave and tiny state out of sight beneath the red tide of Russia. The next, you are an American. One moment, you belong with your fathers to a million dead yesterdays. The next, you belong with America to a million unborn tomorrows.”

    George Mardikian

  3. Semperviva said

    i love this post and i love that quote “gazoo” i was thinking about that recently about how americans don’t realize what they have… going out to the supermarket in a snow storm with pajama shorts on because they can… they are detached from discomfort of any sort and that’s not neccesarily bad, whats bad is when nobody realizes what they have… ps- jer- yer drunken posts are formed like my normal posts! haha!

  4. Ergo Sum said

    Happy New Year to you too Gazoo!

    And that’s a very beautiful quote. As I read it, I felt such a deep connection to its words… it said everything that I felt… and still feel… of how living in America is not just living on a piece of land — it means, to me, living life itself – life as it is meant to be lived.–>

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