Leitmotif

Reason as the Leading Motive

Untitled

Posted by Jerry on December 30, 2005

You broke the morning sun
On a flat non-stick pan,
The searing sound hissed in my sleep
Your milk and eggs,
Or, your health and strength
Such discipline you demanded
Even the yolk knew better than to seep

In my dreams I wondered
How your hair would look today
Not that I cared too much,
Or that I could care at all,
While you stepped out the door
Into the bathroom, I walked
Squinting at that sleepy-cute face
Admiring me watching myself

The cold breeze kissed you Good Morning
The cold water slapped me wide awake
You walked a short distance,
Carrying the earth behind you
I dragged my towel across the floor

I did not wonder, only for a moment
Where would you be
Would you be waiting for me
You couldn't wait
Nor could I wonder
So, I thought,
how is the weather?- 36 degrees!
Did you have your jacket on?

Surely enough, as I stepped onto the train
And caught your glance glancing at me
I knew why the morning seemed much brighter
Your hair told me of the dream I had
Your warm jacket invited me to your corner
So I sat with you,
Tightly huddled next to you

Our separate mornings had just ended
Our silent poetry had only just begun

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5 Responses to “Untitled”

  1. Ergo Sum said

    I just realized… this is a pretty bad poem! Though, I think it has tremendous potential… the idea is very good, and is waiting to be exploited fully and properly. Hmmm… I especially hate the fourth stanza “I did not wonder… How is the weather… Did you have your jacket on?” Eeeuk!

    Damn.. I’ll need to think about how I can fix this shit. Oh, and I need a title too. Hmmmmmm…

  2. Anonymous said

    “Silently Dreaming” ??
    “Unforgotten Dreams” ??
    “Our Empty Corner” ??

    Just a few ideas…

  3. Ergo Sum said

    Oh? Hmmm… Thanks for the title suggestions…

    But the poem’s not about a “dream”… nor is there anything to “unforget” or “forget”… and there isn’t really any “empty” corner that I refer to…

    Honestly, thanks for the suggestions… they are certainly more thought-provoking than the pathetic one that Rubicunt suggested: The Commute

  4. Anonymous said

    Oh, ok.

    1 Surely enough, as I stepped onto the train
    2 And caught your glance glancing at me
    3 I knew why the morning seemed much brighter
    4 Your hair told me of the dream I had
    5 Your warm jacket invited me to your corner
    6 So I sat with you,
    7 Tightly huddled next to you

    8 Our separate mornings had just ended
    9 Our silent poetry had only just begun

    In line five you speak of a corner and continue talking about “huddling next to you” but it seems like it is only in your mind that you are huddling with someone, hence the “empty corner”.

    The entire poem seems like a dream you wish you could live, things you wish were reality, unable to speak about them so I suggested “Silently Dreaming” as well as “Unforgotten Dreams”.

    Perhaps I have just interpretted it wrong.

    “The Commute”…hmm, seems like there is more to this poem than just a commute…

  5. Ergo Sum said

    And P.S.

    Why are we all playing a charade here?? Is anyone interested in a dumb charade? No.

    So, anonymous.. why don’t you reveal (tyr.., *cough, *ahem) yourself…

    I won’t bite! 🙂

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