Leitmotif

Reason as the Leading Motive

Expounding on My Concept of Love and Relationships

Posted by Jerry on October 22, 2005

As I sit here past midnight, in my little cubicle space at work, I decided to resurrect my blog from the dead for this special note I wanted to make (as I was thinking) about the moral basis for my view of relationships.

There is a very crucial difference between what I wish to advocate as my view of romantic relationships and what gets passed out as “polyamory” or “open” relationships.

The moral necessities of romantic relationships, in my opinion, are as follows:

1) Personal integrity is a requisite virtue, withouth which no proper, healthy, and lasting relationship can be built. Integrity subsumes honesty, which means never faking reality.

2) In relationships, as in other areas of life, there is no room for wilfull, deliberate and/or pernicious deceit. This is related with honesty in that if there is any form of uncertainty with regard to the partner or the relationship, it should be brought out into the open–identified clearly as a fact of one’s experience. Any instance of wilful repression of doubt or faking certainty is an instance of being deceitful and is compromising on your integrity and the relationship.

3) In my theory of relationships, it is immoral to demand from the other any actions, deeds, services, emotions, feelings, etc. that is not earned, deserved, does not arise voluntarily and independently, or that which is not covered under the domain of mutual exchange.

4) Flowing from the above idea of no unearned and forced obligations, all relationships should involve individuals who consciously and freely CHOOSE to enter into the relationship of their choice without any coercion or obligations, they should NOT be expected or obligated to remain in a relationship against their will, and no promises to that effect should be extracted from them.

5) Free individuals are independent individuals. They are an end in themselves. All their pursuits should eventually lead to their own personal goals. No one should be in pursuit of the goals of another individual, nor should they expect another person to pursue their goals for them. Independence and equal companionship — not dependence — are the signs of a healthy relationship. Goals and values can be shared but not be forced or accepted in exchange for a sacrifice; and the hierarchical importance of personal and mutual goals and values should be assessed together.

6) No relationship can be moral without the moral integrity of the people involved in that relationship. The concept “morality” applies to people, not to the kind or structure of a relationship (i.e., monogamy, polyamory, open relationships, etc). Regardless of the number of individuals in a relationship or regardless of the number of relationships one is involved in, the moral integrity of the individual is not compromised. For example, an individual could be involved in any number of relationships as long as there is a clear assessment of mutual goals and values that are communicated openly with all persons involved, they all maintain perfect honesty and integrity in the matter, they commit no wilful act of deceit against any person, and they do not obligate anyone in any way to assent or refuse to any act whatsoever.

I feel marriage, vows, enforced monogamy, etc. are all simply meaningless. In fact, if one really thinks about it, surveying all the cultures of the world today, the marriages that have a higher incidence of ending in divorce typically arise in cultures and societies that also have a higher/healthier sense of human rights, values, dignity, and responsibility. It seems like societies that in fact have lower divorce rates are the ones that are mostly culpable for the grossest violations of human rights in ethics and morality. Their societies are typically unhealthy and repressive of individuals.
Examples of low divorce-high ethical violations and civil indecencies: India, China, Bulgaria, Poland, Italy, etc.
Examples of high divorce-low human rights violations: United States of America.

P.S. I am now done. So, this blog is AGAIN officially dead until further notice.

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4 Responses to “Expounding on My Concept of Love and Relationships”

  1. Semperviva said

    in other words- this blog is officially dead til futher notice
    OR

    nothing will be posted until something is posted

  2. innommable said

    It’s not really dead… More like it’s on holiday, or on sabbatical.

    😉

  3. Semperviva said

    LOL i miss jerry 😦

  4. Semperviva said

    a sabbatical aye?

    you mean the jewish sacrificial practice?? lol, interesting…

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