Leitmotif

Reason as the Leading Motive

Back to MPR.

Posted by Jerry on July 25, 2005

Recently, I have come to realize that contemporary culture seems to have some vague notion of Multiple-Person Relationships (MPR) and is coming to grasp its practicality in our lives.
Yet, I notice that those attempts at understanding MPR are at best feeble and tepid. It’s almost like they know it makes some sense, but they don’t know WHY it makes sense, and I would even say that they believe they feel a guilty feeling of embarrasment to admit that such a thing makes sense to them.
Many of them are incapable of defending this idea with any certitude because they don’t seem to grasp the moral and necessary foundation of such a theory.
And almost all of them, I feel, stop well short of the very logical next step of creating a civil institution that recognizes MPR as a real alternative to traditional marriage.
It seems like people would rather take their half-baked vows of “I Do Forever’s”, than face the real and pragmatic nature of human relationships.
More critical than the fact that each of us 6 billion human beings on Earth are unique and varied in our own ways, is the fact that human relationships can only successfully work when there is a clear understanding of what one values, what one is getting into, and what it means to CHOOSE to be with someone.
It is impossible to fully grasp the nature of your relationship with your loved one, if you don’t have a clue about what it must feel like to NOT be with that one you love, or to be with SOMEONE ELSE who you think you could love but realize that you don’t.
Infact, the very idea of being in “love” with someone presumes that you know what loving someone means and you can identify that feeling. But how can you know what love is, until you can identify and differentiate that which is love from all of that which you come to learn is NOT love, i.e. lust, admiration, obsession, infatuation, friendliness, etc.?
Thus, inorder to say to someone, “I love you”, and be honest about it, you have to keep salient in your mind all the processes of thought and choices and values that brought you up to that point of saying, “I love you.”
Objectively, your love for someone should fit within your whole system of values and morals. In other words, your love for someone should not be a negation or supression of your most fundamental values and belief systems. Loving someone should be consistent with the foundation of all morals – that is your value of human life and love of human life. Thus, loving someone should be an enhancement of your own living condition, just as it is for that person who is being loved.
Thus, if you love someone who’s fundamental perspective of life is one that goes against your own fundamental perspective, you need to carefully re-think the nature of that relationship. What is it really about this person that you love? What are those values in this person that you look up to, or that you admire, or that gives you reason to believe that you would want to share your life with this person?
Again, you also need to identify how crucially significant are those value differences? Are they merely errors of judgment that can easily be overcome in time, or are they fundamental differences in outlook that has shaped the entire character and behavior of this person?

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